November 10th, 2024

This lengthy preamble is to prevent me from reimagining my intentions and goals and to avoid trying to frame how this effort will turn out tomorrow. 

I’ve done Murph at least once a year for the last seven years, with one year as an exception due to injuries and travel conflicts. For those who don’t know, Murph is a CrossFit Hero Workout in honor of Lt. Michael Murphy. My reason for doing this workout is more about strengthening one’s will than patriotism. However, when it gets tough, I remind myself that many others have and still are enduring things that would make the pain and doubt I’m experiencing seem precious.

The workout, traditionally done with a 20-lb vest, consists of a one-mile run, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 squats, and another one-mile run.

I’ve completed this in many different variations and settings. One thing was always consistent. I trained for it. This time, not so much. The workout is traditionally done on Memorial Day, right around my birthday. Between family commitments and nursing yet another mild injury, I didn’t do it this year. I texted my friend, who I usually do the workout with, and declared I would do it on Veterans Day, just in case he wanted to join. It’s occurred to me - he never replied. Despite my confidence in my recently posted 4-day training cycle, I’ve spent much of the last two months sedentary. Outside of a few walking rounds of golf, I’ve been glued to my desk.

Then, last week, some 50.4% of Americans decided fascism was better than feminism and that the illusion of economic security was better than moral superiority. Then, my therapist told me I needed an outlet for my rage. Specifically, my black rage. And so I felt recommitting to doing Murph on Veterans Day was a fitting effort. Especially under these circumstances: being poorly conditioned and alone. I’m a masochist, I know. 

The point is to do what reason tells me I should not and probably can not. The goal is to forget about the clock, not rely on anyone to help, likely come very close to failing, and keep going anyway—to endure, to strengthen my mind and my spirit for whatever comes next. 

Every time I’ve done this or any other CrossFit Memorial or workout, I have this euphoric moment where I feel unstoppable. It’s like my inner child remembering - I can do anything, be anything. If only I show the fuck up and do the work. Whether it takes me an hour or all day, I’ll finish. I’ll nurse my body for a day, then return to fighting the good fight.